You Just Do
by So Electric
Summary: James recalls his life in the moments before he dies. (A/N: Very sad)


When you're a kid you don't really ever think about growing up. You just do things. You just do. Brush your teeth, eat your breakfast, make your bed.  
  
Then, you get a little older. And you wonder why. You just do. Then one day, when you turn twelve, you see a beautiful girl. She looks sad, so you go over to her. She grins at you and she starts talking. But you can't her hear words because you want her so badly. You want to spend the rest of your life with her. Already. But she pushes you away. And you don't care. You just don't. Because you know that fate is going to come in and you're going to marry her. This lovely girl. You follow her. She is friends with a girl named Victoria. Funny Victoria with the crazy hair and the laughing voice. You like Victoria. You love Lily.  
  
And then, the first time you touch her. You grab her hand. And she doesn't push you away. And your stomach just jumps up and down. You have to have her. And eventually, you just do. The first time you saw a sunrise with her. And she looks at you and says, "James, I want to marry you." You can't breathe, you squeeze her hand tighter. Her head rests on your shoulder and the sun dances through the strands of red hair.  
  
Sirius and Victoria love each other. They are a pair. They are perfect. Sirius and Victoria. Victoria and Sirius. Love, love, more love. Fingers laced together like a complicated pattern that only makes sense to them. Only to them. Sirius loves Victoria, more than life itself. Like you love Lily. Sirius loves her. He is enamored. If she is the drug, then he is the addict. Love, love, more love. They are happy. You are happy.  
  
More and most, you fall in love. Breathtaking, affectionately, humbly. That's the way it should be. You think. But you don't really know, do you? Because you've never been in love before.  
  
One night you hold her for the first time, for hours. You sit. And you spend this night and the rest of the nights of your life with her. You sit by the lake and she tells you she wants to be a mother. More than anything. You look at her and tell her that you want to be with her. More than anything. She shoves you away with a laugh and complains that that was a cheesy line. But you don't smile. You tell her that you were serious. And she begins to cry. She looks so beautiful when she cries, you think. The crystal beads streaming down her face. You hold her again. Then you look at her. Beautiful. So beautiful.  
  
You're hooked on her. The way she grins when you've told another bad joke, the way she gets mad at you when you play a trick on her best friend and the way she looks when she paints, the concentrated awareness.  
  
Sirius and Victoria plan to get married.  
  
And one night, you come home and Lily is hysterical. She is clawing at the floor, nearly pulling out her hair. "Victoria is dead." She screams. "She's dead." Sirius cannot talk. He cannot walk. He is aged a million years. His face is covered with grief. Line of grief. And you remember Victoria. Victoria with the crazy hair and the laughing voice. Except she is no more.  
  
And then there were three.  
  
Then you get married. You just do. And you cry. Because you're so happy and you've wanted this for so long. Then, you have Harry. Sweet Harry. Harry with the messy black hair and the olive-green eyes. The other love of your life. And when he says his first word, 'quidditch', you cry again. You and Lily both this time. She hugs him as she cries, her tears falling into his downy-soft hair. He wipes away your tears and with his eyes, seem to plead with you not to cry. But then you and Lily began to fight. You just do. Because you're away so much. And she loves you so, and you her. You're fighting all the time now, but you still love her. Beautiful Lily. You're assigned to be an auror. If you could live on love, then you would, but you can't so you must work. But then it was your work that killed you, wasn't it? It took your life. And it took Lily's. Beautiful Lily's with the crystal tears and the red hair and the concentrated awareness that you love so much. He killed you and you hate him for it. But you still love her. So much. You just do. 


End file.
